Dreams and Nightmares
by ThePancake
Summary: One night, as Yami watches Yugi sleep, he realises his true feelings for his partner. But the shadows are listening. PUZZLESHIPPING.


_This OS is connected to my other story "The missing puzzle piece to your heart" but you can also view it as an independent story. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, obviously. Contains rape-ish themes. But not the way you think (I guess). And now have some tissues and enjoy the drama, sniff!_

* * *

Yugi asleep was the most beautiful sight he had ever experienced.

His partner was lying in his bed, wearing his pyjamas with stars, the sky blue cover pulled up to his chest, his head resting on a white pillow in the shape of a cloud. His eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open. His rosy skin was relaxed, smooth, pristine.

Yami Yugi, Yami for short, was kneeling next to the bed, his forearms placed on the bed. The room was dark except for a few beams of faint moonlight shining through the gaps of the blinds. Rain was gently drumming against the window.

"I know how weird this is", Yami whispered. "But you have to understand me. I don't have a body that needs to sleep. So when you're in bed at night I'm alone in the puzzle. Those endless, dark corridors…and the shadows lying in wait for more misery they can feast on…" He shuddered. "But when I look at you…"

He watched how Yugi's belly heaved up and down, how his hand slightly twitched, listened to the small moans he gave now and then. Yami didn't know how many minutes ticked away. As long as he could watch Yugi nothing else mattered.

Yugi moved his head to the side and a strain of blond hair fell into his face. Yami wanted to brush it away but his touch had no impact. His spirit had no more physical force than smoke.

"How stupid of me", Yami whispered and withdrew his arm. His gaze remained on Yugi while outside a car drove by and a cat meowed. He sighed. "I wish I could touch you. I wish…I wish I had my own body." A smile spread on his face as he imagined it. "If I had my own body I would wait for you every morning like Jonouchi and the others. You running towards me, right into my arms…I would hold you…protect you…warm you when you're cold…"

Those thoughts lighted a candle in his chest and its warmth spread through his inner. He wanted to be a real human, not only a shadow in the background. He would sit right next to Yugi in class, at dinner, at the movies. He would hold Yugi's hand, caress his cheek, maybe even…

Yami focussed Yugi's lips. They were of a soft pink and slightly glistening in the dim moonlight. They were so captivating and yet they had never been kissed by anyone. He knew his partner well enough for that.

"But they deserve to be kissed. Gently. By someone who really appreciates you. Like I do", he said. He heard the slow dripping from the faucet in the bathroom as he studied Yugi's long eyelashes. Only then he realised what he had said and his eyes widened.

No, it couldn't be! Yugi was his partner! It had been a slip of the tongue! But then what was that tingling feeling in his belly?

"Of course…", he mumbled and let a hand run through his hair. All those nights watching him sleep, all those smiles that had let him forget his lost memories, all those times Yugi's cute laugh had made his heart flutter – How couldn't he have noticed it earlier?!

"I'm in love with you…!", Yami whispered and laughed. "I'm in love with you, partner!"

He shot up and had to bite his fist in order to not shout it out and wake Yugi. He paced through the room, almost danced. Of course they belonged together! His partner, his vessel, the one who had put the millennium puzzle together and freed him from all that darkness and loneliness. No bond could be more special! They had been destined to fall in love from the start!

He turned back to the most beautiful young man sleeping in his bed. He knelt down next to him again and leaned over Yugi's face, all its features as gentle as his soul. His lips were as lovely and perfect as a pink rose and surely as soft as petals. He just had to experience them for himself. It wouldn't be the same as feeling it with a body of his own but he had to have at least a tiny hint of what it would be like to…to kiss Yugi.

"I'm sorry, partner. I'm sure you'll understand. I just can't wait", Yami whispered and lowered his face towards Yugi's. It was okay. Once Yugi had woken up he would confess his feelings right away. Yugi might be confused first but he would realise quickly that they were meant for one another. And then Yugi would give Yami every kiss he wanted. He'd give him anything and everything…whatever Yami wanted…Yugi would give it to him.

He stopped.

"No…no, no, no", he whispered as he moved back. His breath was shallow and quick. He looked at Yugi again, fast asleep and completely oblivious to what Yami almost had done, believing he had nothing to fear from him. How wrong he was.

He blinked and was back in his soul room. Dark corridors of brick walls and cold metal doors everywhere. He hugged himself and walked in circles, his steps echoing through the silent halls.

"How can I even think about it?!", he said, his fingers clenching his sleeves. "He shared everything with me! His friends, his body, his entire life! He gave me so much more than I am worth! And all I can think about…"

 _You can only think about demanding even more from him._

The voice made him shiver. He knew it well. Cold as steel and sharp like a blade. The shadows.

Yami whirled but there was nothing behind him. Fear seized him. The shadows had been feeding on his misery for three thousand years. The closer he and Yugi had grown the stronger he had become and was now able to suppress them most of the time. But not tonight.

 _Don't you think his life is already complicated enough thanks to you? And now the ghost of his puzzle is supposed to be in love with him? Why on earth should he be anything else than creeped out and disgusted?_

He still didn't see the shadows anywhere. Only once he looked down he saw a dark purple fog materialize. Goose-bumps crawled over his arms and spine.

"I…I have no right to make this even more complicated than it already is", he said, hoping to appease the shadows so they would leave him alone.

 _You really don't. You know how much he can give. How much he gave you. Why should he waste even more of his love and kindness on something like you? You can give nothing! You don't even have a name!_

The fog grew, slithered around his body like a snake and wrapped around his throat, tight enough to hurt him but leaving him able to speak. It was like hundreds of icy needles stung him through his clothes and skin. Yami's legs were shaking.

"No, I have nothing I could give", he croaked and sank down on his knees, deeper into the shadows. "I'm just a spirit. I should be dead. I need to find my memories and leave this world. He deserves a normal life and he can only have it without me.

 _That's right. He'll be so much better off once you're gone. He'll be happy once he finds someone else to love him. Someone who is not you._

He tossed back his head and shouted:

"No!"

His defiance pushed back the shadows for a moment and he shot up. He fled into a corner, stretched out his arms and placed his palms on one of the cold, stony walls. He bit his bottom lip.

"I can give up on him being in love with me. I will never try having him for myself. But he can't…he just can't have someone else!", Yami said. He pictured Yugi with a faceless person, holding his soft hand, caressing his silky cheek, kissing his smooth lips…doing everything Yami couldn't do as a mere spirit.

What had felt like the gentle flame of a candle in his chest moments ago was now a raging fire of jealousy. He clenched his teeth and fists. How dare another person take what would be his if he were a normal human being?! No one in this world but him knew Yugi's true strength and no one could appreciate him like Yami could! If another person ever dared to get that close to his partner he would…

 _This is exactly why you will never be good enough for Yugi. So vengeful towards a person that doesn't even exist. You are despicable._

The shadows' grip was so cold and sharp they might as well have pulled him under the surface of a frozen pond. But Yami didn't care. He wouldn't let them take his love for Yugi away from him.

"Then no one is good enough for him!", he said. "They're all blind and ignorant to the courage of his gentle heart! At least I would always treat him with care and respect if I had him! If I had him…if only I had him all for myself!"

His burning jealousy subsided and turned into a tingle that went through his chest, belly and…

 _So_ that's _all you want._

Yami's eyes widened and his fingers dug into the wall.

"No, that's a lie! That's not all I want!", he said and yet he couldn't stop thinking about it. He leaned his head against the bricks and gave a small sigh. Yugi had changed his clothes in front of him before and Yami knew what he looked like. That ivory skin, his slender body, those slim wrists… If only he could slowly undress Yugi, smother him with gentle kisses and hear him moan as Yami made love to his partner…tenderly…carefully…treating that perfect being like the magical creature that he was…

 _Stop with the romance bullshit._

He could feel the anger gleam in his eyes and pushed the shadows back with all the mental strength he had. He turned around and shouted at the dark purple cloud before him:

"It's no bullshit! I would love him!"

The shadows sniggered.

 _No. You don't even know how to love. After thousands of years in the puzzle all you know is anger, hate and insanity. You just want to fuck him. You'd take him against his will if he resisted._

Yami's mouth hung open, his shoulders slumped. For a moment he couldn't speak. Then he shook his head and shouted:

"Liars! I would never do that to anyone! Especially my partner!"

 _You're the liar. You murdered before, remember? So why should a demon like you stop at rape?_

"That was different! I wasn't myself! Besides, I did it all to protect him!", Yami said.

 _Excuses, excuses. You destroy everything you touch. Want to see what you would really be like with him?_

The shadows shot forward, engulfed his face and head and forced a vision on his mind. He saw Yugi before him, his big eyes filled with fear. Yami's own hand stretched out for Yugi's black T-shirt. Yugi tried to push him away but Yami ignored his resistance, grabbed it and when Yugi asked him to stop he began ripping his clothes apart.

" _What are you doing? Other me!_ ", Yugi said.

"Stop!", Yami shouted and stepped outside the dark cloud. He placed a hand on the wall next to him for support. "I would never do that to him!"

 _Oh yes, you would. You'd be like a wild beast, listening solely to your instincts and urges. You wouldn't stop to think about what he wants for one second._

The cold rushed towards him as the shadows reached for him again. Yami ran but the shadows still took him over and continued the nightmare. Yami shut his eyes and placed his hands on his ears but it was no use.

He saw Yugi in front of him, how he shoved him onto the bed. Yugi's face was full of dread as Yami pounced upon him. What had been kisses in Yami's dream were now bites on Yugi's lips, neck and shoulder, leaving red marks of his teeth on Yugi's pearl skin.

" _O_ _ther me, I don't want this!_ _Stop, please…!_ ", Yugi pleaded, closes to tears. Yami only panted and groaned in response.

Yami tripped and tumbled to the floor of his soul room. The shadows had encircled him now, causing him to shake. He tried to fight them but they were stronger than him.

"That's not me! You're lying!", Yami yelled. "I can confess to him and make him happy! I can be gentle and patient, just as he deserves it! And I will be!"

As an answer the shadows only laughed and it had the same effect on Yami as a fork scratching over a plate.

 _Are you really sure that this savage side of you won't return? You took pride in the suffering of others before. You even got off on it!_

Yami pressed his palms against his head, tore his hair.

"M-Maybe but back then-"

 _And who says you didn't rape before anyway? They punished you in your previous life, remember? They took away all your memories and sealed your soul in the puzzle. What could this be other than a punishment? And oh, just imagine all the gruesome things you did to earn it. Maybe you liked to skin people, rip out their intestines or saw off their limbs, all while they were still alive, just to name a few possibilities…_

"I…I did no such thing in my previous life!", Yami said but he felt sick at the thought.

 _Can you prove it?_

"N-No…"

 _Then how can you be sure that_ this _won't happen?_

A hand of shadows dashed towards him and its fingers wrapped around his face like the tendrils of a toxic plant. The horror continued.

He saw Yugi before him, naked and scared. Yami forced him on all fours and when he entered him Yugi screamed in pain like never before.

" _Other me, it hurts! Please stop, other me, please!"_ , he called but Yami's shadow counterpart wouldn't listen. He thrust into Yugi, again and again, huffing and groaning like an animal while Yugi screamed and cried and begged him to stop.

Yugi's helplessness and agony together with the cruelty of his shadow self caused him retch. If he had a functioning body he knew he would have vomited. He was whimpering, pleading the shadows to stop but he couldn't hear his own voice over Yugi's wailing. The shadows were tearing on what was left of his soul, were enjoying his suffering. Yami took a deep breath and yelled with all the strength he had left:

"STOP!"

They silenced the abominable vision, probably so that Yami could hear his own voice, close to tears, pathetic.

"I won't…I won't tell him how I feel! I will never let myself go like that! I will stay as far away from him as I can! I'll even accept someone else at his side! But please, please, please, make it stop! Show me no more! I can't stand it! I just can't…!"

They waited just a little longer, relished having humiliated Yami yet again. Then, finally the picture of Yugi looking over his shoulder, his big eyes teary, dissolved and Yami was back in his soul room. He curled up, shaking and sobbing.

 _Now that's a lot more appropriate for a demon like you, don't you think?_

He knew he had to answer and nodded. What had started as a thin fog was now a thick cloud of darkness. He could only faintly see the outlines of his soul room through them. The shadows were feasting on his misery, becoming stronger and fatter like a parasite. But as long as they didn't show him that nightmare any more he'd let them do with him whatever they wanted, no matter how degrading it would be.

 _This is good, so good. Now, tell us in every detail why you would never be good enough for Yugi, not in a thousand lifetimes._

Yami swallowed.

"I'm cruel. I killed people. I enjoyed it. I'm arrogant. I always need to win. No matter the cost", he croaked. The shadows giggled.

 _But that's only the beginning. Go on, tell us all about why you're such a worthless piece of dirt you should feel ashamed for even looking at Yugi…_

Yami bit his bottom lip. He had no choice but to obey and it didn't take long until he believed every word he said.

* * *

"Other me? Other me, where are you?"

Yami was still lying in a cloud of shadows. They had gnawed on his soul and sanity all night like thousands of maggots. The cloud had become smaller when the shadows had been satiated by his misery. Or maybe it had just bored them after a while. But they were still there and now curious about how he would react.

Yami rose slowly, so that the shadows knew he was asking for their permission to stand up. Every part of him hurt and he thought that this is what it must feel like to have been run over. But now Yugi was calling him and he had to hide that anything had happened. He hadn't realised that he was in love with Yugi, hadn't tried to kiss him, hadn't been tortured by the shadows all night. To Yugi it was just another morning and it had to be for Yami as well.

He took a deep breath, then emerged from the puzzle in his spirit form.

"Good morning, partner", Yami said and forced a smile. Yugi was standing at the window, pulling up the blinds and letting the morning sun inside. Drops of last night's rain were running over the pane. Yugi, still in his pyjamas with stars, yawned and held his hand in front of his mouth.

"Good morning", he said, turned to Yami and stretched, revealing the lower part of his cream belly. Yami averted his gaze. "Are you okay, other me?"

Yami gulped, then looked at Yugi. His sparkling eyes, his glossy lips, his porcelain skin, all these beautiful things he didn't even deserve to look at. Not a demon like him.

"I'm fine", he lied. Yugi's brows furrowed in concern. But even then he was the loveliest sight that had ever existed.

"You don't look fine. What's wrong?", he asked with his silky voice. Yami bit his lower lip. For a split second he considered being honest but then he remembered the vision from last night. No, he couldn't say it, not ever. Not as long as he was still without his memories and had no idea what he had done to earn over three thousand years in the puzzle. And even once he had regained his identity and learned about his crimes he had to leave this world. It was better if Yugi never knew.

"I'm fine", Yami repeated. Yugi knew him well enough to not believe that. But not well enough to hate him for what he had done in his past life.

"You can tell me anything, other me. You can trust me. Just like I trust you", he said and even though he smiled those words sent a sting through Yami's heart. He scratched his upper arm and avoided looking at Yugi's lovely face.

"Just look at the time. You're late for school. You better hurry", he said without looking at the clock. He saw from the corners of his eyes how Yugi stepped towards him but one blink later he was back in the puzzle. The shadows already wrapped around him like a chain.

 _Remember what you learned._

Yami exhaled.

"It can never happen", he said. The shadows chuckled and formed a finger that caressed Yami's cheek. He shuddered at the icy touch.

 _Good, good!_

They loosened their grip and retreated into a dark corner. For now. He walked towards the door to his soul room, the millennium eye and thick veins carved into it. He leaned his forehead against the cool steel, knowing that on the other side, in Yugi's soul room, lay the warmth that he craved for so much.

Even though his head knew that it was impossible, a tiny part of him, so tiny that the shadows didn't sense it, hoped that one day he would be allowed to be honest after all. That Yugi would return his feelings, that he would be allowed his kiss him and know himself well enough to be sure that the nightmare the shadows had shown him would never come true. The wish was just a tiny jewel in a pile of lifeless stones, but he couldn't let go of it. He had to treasure it, even though for now, it would remain just a dream.


End file.
